Recent events in my life have led to one word being brought up quite a lot; normal. There was an issue I needed to make a decision on but I was feeling confused. I didn’t feel like I could make a decision until I knew one thing; are my thoughts, feelings, and ideas about my situation normal or do they stem from the cynical survivor part of my brain? How do I trust what I am feeling when I can’t decipher the origin? I asked close friends and my therapist this question. My therapist told me I was acting normal for a survivor. That didn’t make me feel better. My best friend brought up the question, “what is normal anyway?”
What is normal and why do we strive so hard to become it? It’s the feeling of not being normal that drives us to therapy. It’s the feeling of not being normal that makes us hate our bodies, damages our self esteem, and causes us to settle for less than we deserve.
The definition of the word means “conforming to the standard or common type.” Who decided what the common type was? Many different groups have their own idea of what their common type is, what is their normal. Some religious groups think people who don’t believe as they do are abnormal. Some cultures think a woman working is abnormal. Some people think having only one wife abnormal. Your childhood experiences can impact your idea of normal.
I realized this quest of mine to make a normal decision was fruitless. I needed to first figure out what my idea of normal was. The normal that works best for my life within my belief system. I also needed to learn to accept that my definition of normal and how it relates to my life will be ever changing as I progress through the healing process and journey though life. I must be willing to accept this change and the new normal, and not fight against it.
I have also realized, no matter what, I will always be abnormal to someone. That is okay too because being abnormal isn’t all that bad. After all, the world has been changed by the non-comformists, the abnormals. Think about where we would be if we never challenged the norm. It is how growth happens.
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3 comments:
This is a great post. Normal is one of those perfectionist words isn't it?!I always think "is this what a normal non abused person would do, etc"....I try to think is this healthy...in alignment with the healing process. I gauge things by my hubs or a couple of friends too...
also, I think we need to define what is OUR normal, you know? This is MY normal ya'll. Anyone who is not down with MY normal, blessed be and I'm moving on!!
How many times have I asked this question??? to my therapist, to my non-abused hubby, to my friends in my support group, my counselor at The Shelter? All of the answers have been the same...normal is whatever you want it to be. Normal is YOUR reality, in the moment. Don't judge yourself by other people's standards cuz you can't really know what their lives are like on the inside any more than they really know what your's is like. Kinda hard for me to wrap my head around most of the time but I'm workin' on it!
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